Wednesday, May 16, 2007

I've Been Traumatized

It was so horrible that I can only now tell you about my near death experience.

Well , maybe, it wasn't that bad. I'll let you decide for yourselves.

It all started last Tuesday. The humans brought out the carriers and to some of you; that, in itself, is traumatic.
Well, I love it when the carriers are out; they are the perfect place to take a nap without any of my bruddies and sissyfurs sneaking up on me and pouncing me when I'm trying to take a much needed nap.

But, on this day, there was no nap to be had.

First, I couldn't get any privacy. HockeyPuck and HGL, both, tried to get in with me; they are so rude and pushy; and they drove me out of my nappie place.

Then the humans started rounding us older cats up. And we all know what that means; the dreaded yearly visit to the V.E.T. But bless her mean, little heart; my sissyfur, The Elusive Sooner, lived up to her name and hid until it got too late for us to be taken in that morning.

Did I mention, this all started about 9am? By 11:15 she hadn't been found and you hafta be at the V.E.T. by 11:45 or wait until they reopen at 2pm.

Okay, so I'm thinking we're getting a reprieve, when the humans take off with some of the woofies. But NOOO!! They returned and resumed their seek & destroy mission after lunch and proceeded to capture us all and transport us to Those Evil Villians (a coincidence the initals are v.e.t. backwards, I, think not).

As usual, I screamed the whole way there, "NO!" "NO!"

Every time I would scream "NO!". My bruddy, Punkin, would say back to me, "Yes". He likes to go places, that sicko.

So we all got stabbed; more than once; and us guys got weighed (I was 19.5 and Punkin was 12.5 and the girls somehow got out of this indignity ). My human loudly announced my weight to everyone there. Good thing I embrace my heft and girth, or I'd been upset about that. After being poked and prodded, we were shuttled back home; and that ride was nearly as bad as the previous endeavor.

Now, you are probably wondering how this day can get any worse, right? Well, believe you me, it can.

Later on; while I was sleeping off the effects of the poison that had been injected into my bloodstream; the Tornado Sirens started to wail. And, since it was well past noon, it was no test. That was done the day before and it woke me up from a wonderful, tunaful dream. The humans had us all safely contained; in the underground concrete bunker/holding cell, they call a storm shelter; within 15 minutes. That is a pretty, amazing feat; considering there are 6 of us, 15 of the woofies and only 4 of them.

So, instead of a much needed nap, I spent the next 2 hours voicing my displeasure about the situation. Luckily, there were no touchdowns or damage in our area.

That sure took alot out of me and I needed time to recover; so I hid for 2 days. Now that I was once again feeling up to snuff; I thought I'd get caught up with all that I missed on the blogosphere and tell you all about our ordeal. I had seen the woman grab the camera and go topside; whilst I cowered in a corner; so I thought there may be some pics of the recent activity.

I look and this is what I find:

Woofies and more woofies.

I wish someone would please buy them; all of them, except the big ones (they have jobs); and hurry too. I want my humans back. I'm tired of sharing my people and my space with these loudmouths. There has been talk of the humans taking the woofies on a road trip. Better them than me, I always say. If we're lucky; they will go, and when they get back, there will a few less woofies than when they left.

So, I complained to my staff about the lack of pictures and time devoted to me.

This is what I got for my effort.

The woman took a photo of me as I was getting up from my nap to make this post.

I'll have none of that unflattery on my blog; so I laid back down and told her to take a proper picture of me. You deserve to see me in all of my glorious largesity.

There; that's better.

BTW: the box, I'm spilling out of, is 13" x 15"

So, there you have it. As much as I'd like for every day to be ham and cream cheese on a whole wheat bagel; it's more like a spinach and tofu casserole. I'm hungry let's have lunch.


Blogger Icon Baxter Bentley said...

oh, you are such a good story-teller! I felt like I was right there with you!!!
You remind me of my brutha (from anotha mother) Kitty, he is 20 lbs!!
And he is adorable, like you.


Wed May 23, 08:28:00 AM 2007  
Blogger DaisyMae Maus said...

Happy Thanksgiving to your fambly! Eat as much (burp!) turkey as you can manage!
DMM and the Feline Americans

Thu Nov 22, 10:08:00 PM 2007  

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